Give and Take: I'm going to be a recent graduate

I am a very lucky person, that is when it comes to education. I have been blessed with the support and mentorship I've been given by professors, other students, graduate students, and family. Not many people I talk to have had the positive kind of experience I've had. I'm ready to leave though. I'm ready to get away from it, for a while.

Graduation:

Apply for graduation... done
Buy gown and hat...
Clear with admissions...
Defend thesis...
Exams...
Finish thesis...
Get jobs...
Have back up $$... done
Internship...
Just breathe...
Keep going...
Leave pessimism at the door...
Make a curriculum vitae...
Navigate possible relocation...
Open savings account...
Plan graduation party...
Quit at LRAPA...
Review graduate programs for 09-10 or 10-11
Save money for doomsday...
Take GREs...
Undertake filing all school notes...
Vent about everything...
Walk down that aisle...
Xerox important files for later...
Yell and stomp with frustration about moving on...
Zoom into the vast unknown...


Reality is... I gave very little compared to what I've taken. UO has given me so much. I want more. Help me prepare for this next step!!! The job hunting, the relocating, the budget balancing, the anxiety. There is very little that helps someone find who they are, what they are meant to do, and where they will find themselves in the near future. There are programs, seminars, fairs, practice interviews, classes, and walk in hours for preparing for the big bad world as a soon to be graduate. But none of it feels like it fills that void of anxiety and uncertainty.

I am hoping for a chance in my future to be many things. I leave doors open to all types of jobs. I would hate to be a recent graduate and experience those months of jobless lull. I know there are people out there being laid off who deserve jobs more. It isn't a good reason to stay in school, especially if I don't know what I want. I could work in a museum, be an artist, do historic preservation, anything creative, to do with books, about writing, project planning, etc. What I'm really afraid of is things not going smoothly. No direct path from here to there is clear, and I want to control it. I want to make it go smoothly and perfectly and have us slip from this life seamlessly into a new one. I am flexible on what kind of new life.

Confidence is a fickle thing. It comes naturally, blooming full and bright. The tide turns and the shade comes, and that confidence weeps and falters, it wilts and shies. My confidence is positive and bubbly and leaps me forward by miles. I can conquer stray problems with a tickle of my eyes and all is good. But there are days... These days are bad. I can weep over the littlest thing, and my confidence cowers, overcome by emotional fear and irrational thoughts. How can you stay positive when you think about all the things that could go wrong. To tell you the truth, the only thing that makes me ever feel better is just when my confidence returns. There is no change of events, change of direction, but only the tide changes yet again. The days seem brighter and the load less burdensome.

I am going to be a graduate. I will have a degree and no job. I will be among thousands, competing with thousands. But my confidence says my path is wholly unlike all others. Trust that.