I want to bow downI

I want to quit it all. I'm so overwhelmed and burnt out. I feel like failure is imminent. I feel so melodramatic.

I can't tell if it is personal. I know it isn't but some people have better delivery.

I feel like I'm trying to save my thesis (a wreck) and salvage what I can to just scrape by.

I am so jealous. I want to write a novel, have it published...

I am emotional and self doubtful.

I am not pregnant, I checked.

I've been praying, more than I usually do. God, can you help me find my way? I want to dazzle everyone, including myself, even though it all seems so hard now.

I have physical pain, sickness, and tremors. I have panic and anxiety. I wish I were on meds, smoked cigarettes, or drank heavily. I want to heavily self-medicate.

I have a complex, a self doubt that nags. Sometimes it is more and more easier to ignore, then something will bring it all back.

I feel ok about it and then flash... I'm miserable.

I hope I can see the other side soon.