I Claim My Darkness

I can't explain it in words exactly. Just days ago, I was enveloped in a crisis of titanic proportions and much like Whitman's says, it didn't go out with a bang, rather only a whisper. Now that's where the fatalism ends though. My last three days have been possibly the most exciting of my academic career so far. Not because of the material I was learning, but rather the people, the way of thinking about history, and well, then I'm at a loss for words.

Epiphany- ah ha! That's it. Where before the cold dark fog was suffocating me, now I feel like it is only right. I feel like I can't see into my own future. Just like driving home, the dark fog that weighed on me kept me sane, excited, and constant. I saw the lines. I have a good pair of head lights. I think I'll be ok. More than ok.

When I play a Tracy Chapman cd and lines from every song inspire me and tell the very feelings that I feel at that moment, I have to be under some kind of spell. The fog and the enchanting music? All the face swirled and all the names forgotten, but still I felt like these people were my family. How ridiculous- I know. But they made me feel welcome, smart, valued, and well like a long lost friend. So many things happened in 2008. My god I should write a book about it, because it has been like a roller coaster but by far the best year of my life- ever. More on what the hell i'm talking about later. For now, musings and trappings. Conundrums are always numerous and I just don't see them as a challenge, yet.