To think about writing is much different than doing

The summer provided the safest haven for me. I was cuddled and swaddled in the quiet and peaceful sense of loneliness, which sounds weird. Who wants to be lonely? Quite honestly, I would have thought it was too scary to be alone as much as I am if someone had proposed the idea a year ago. I would have in fact panicked. But I have learned something special. The experience of my last year in living has taught me several things, but to the point, I simply had too much. The things could have taught me several lessons, but the fact that they were all there crowding me with menacing accusations and evil thoughts that only swirled about me made me see clearer.

Just because I can- does not mean I should.

I have tested my limits. I have go much much farther than many and farther than what I even thought I was capable of. But should I gluttonously pursue every aim or every while to say that I have? No. I have the control now. I am in control of time and space. I have very little discipline in other areas- but I know what I want. And most people who know me admire and equally fear my determination; it is unstoppable. My determination is a true juggernaut. But the beauty of a juggernaut it the control. The patience. The two forms. The deception of a calm person that is truly underneath an unstoppable force is a frightful prospect.

I know that about myself. I have set my challenges higher. I have been met with no ill fate and no menacing faces from disbelievers. The more I believe in myself, the more I attract people who believe in me. Yet, I know I am what I am without their praise.

To know that without a direction, I can still be a good person with great skills and personal power. It becomes a new kind of zen. I know me. I do not know the furture. I know I like certain things but my outlook has become flexible.

A good pen. A sheet of blank paper. That's how all great stories start. How they progress. And how the end. There is never knowing. There is knowing. And there is faith.